I Want a Refund!

The following is my letter to the Obama campaign. A few months ago I was swept up in the Obama "change" rhetoric. This was, of course, before I found out that Obama is as stuck in the past as all the other racists in America, no matter their race or color.

Is there any way my campaign donation can be returned. I made that donation before I realized that Senator Obama was a racist and that he supports racism. I mean, first he attends a racist, hate filled church for 20 years and then he says that "people" in "small town" Pennsylvania are bitter and clinging to their guns and religion? I wonder what would happen if Senator Clinton said that "people" in "inner city" America were bitter and clinging to their guns and religion?

I don't support racism, from ANYONE! Please return my ill-advised donation as soon as possible.

He's Wright and He's a Racist

Wright confirms his racism.

Finally, Rev. Wright brings to light something that the radical far left has denied forever, that African-Americans can and will be racist. Not only that, but most of the extreme far left are white-guilt racists themselves. Wright is a racist and he should not be tolerated by anyone who values positive racial harmony. Wright also needs to take a history lesson or two, so he understands why most Americans and most intelligent Japanese realize that America will never apologize for bombing Japan in order to end WWII and save countless lives on both sides. Finally, Obama, who showed his own racism in Pennsylvania, should have left Wright's hate filled church long ago. Maybe he was just "bitter" and "clinging" to his religion. Actually, I guess "bitter" would best describe his racist pastor.

Crapco Up on Stick Cuts

Dungville based manufacturing company Crapco announced today that it will be removing the stick from its flagship product, Shit-On-A-Stick. CEO Harry Bunghole made the decision public at a press conference this morning. "We've listened to our customers and they have told us that it's time for stick free shit" proclaimed Bunghole.

Crapco also claimed that removing the stick is good for the environment. A spokeman told Spongy-Poo that even renewable, non-forest products like bamboo present a problem. "Nothing could be worse for our image than for customers to think we are taking food from the mouths of baby pandas."

Wall Street was bullish on the move. T.P. Morgans head of fecal futures offerings, M.Y. Pheces said investors had been calling all morning to check on the availability of backdoor entry to a rumored Crapco IPO. Pheces told our reporter, "If it goes, there is sure to be a back up of paperwork to be done. Right now the market could use a good flush and this might be just the move that gets the job done."

In related news, Playtex announced plans for a new plant to manufacture rubber gloves.